Hello True Bluers…or just Colts fans…what do we call fans of this blog? Anyway, I’m Kyle and I’m the new editor and part-time writer for True Blue Colts. I welcome you to what I hope will be a weekly piece entitled “Why This Week Was Like a Movie”. In these opinion articles I will take a look back at last week’s game and equate it to popular movies and how they stack up to our team. I intend on having fun with these and don’t plan on taking it too seriously (and you shouldn’t either). So lets get started, shall we? First up is The Wizard of Oz (1939).
Movie Synopsis
For those that don’t know what The Wizard of Oz is (I hope your rock was comfortable that you slept under), it’s a tale about a young woman in Kansas named Dorothy that wishes she was away from the farm life and living one with more extravagance because everyone that lives in Kansas wishes they weren’t there. While screwing around on a fence she falls and knocks herself out worse than Ik Enemkapali would’ve. When Dorothy comes to she finds herself in the middle of a twister that is ripping her home apart. She gets swept up in the maddening whirlwind and is carried off into a farcical land with golden roads, unionized little people, and a land with a lack of worry over murdering someone with a house.
Upon arrival Dorothy goes on a quest through this strange oasis known as Oz to find a wizard that can return her to her to Kansas. Something that I am sure Larry Johnson wished he could’ve done once he left the Chiefs for the Redskins (Yes, I’m aware the Chiefs play in Missouri). Treking on a brick road made of what was left from “Pacman” Jones’ dental work, she meets characters that are missing essential aspects that keep them from being whole; a brain, a heart, and courage. They join her on her journey until she finds the Emerald City, murders another person, and then clicks some slippers together to get home where we find out it was just a bad dream all along. Unfortunately for us Colts fans, no amount of boot knocking will erase the nightmare that was Week 1.
How it relates to Week 1
The Indianapolis Colts had a tough battle ahead in the Buffalo Bills, but not too many expected them to struggle as much as they did. A staunch whooping of 27-14 in a score that was closer than the actual game washes left some a little scared about the rest of the fifteen games on the schedule. This week reminded me a lot of the classic film because the characters seemed to mimic how some of the players and coaches were during the game.
Dorothy Gale – Chuck Pagano reminds me of the story’s protagonist because he looked utterly lost in a place he’d never been before. He had his little dog Toto in Andrew Luck at his side being absolutely useless as Dorothy decides where they go and Toto just has to follow. Pagano’s Emerald City was the end zone and though he found it twice, it looked like he wandered around Diamandberg and Ruby Tuesdays saying, “Is this Emerald City?” as he approached the gate only to be denied over and over and over again. Ralph Wilson Stadium must’ve actually been a field of poppies the way Pagano and the team looked asleep throughout the game. I can only hope that next week’s return to Indianapolis will be like Dorothy returning to Kansas and end the nightmares of last week.
Scarecrow – The character that lacked brains. I guess that makes Pep Hamilton the bird attracting bag of hay with a face. Hamilton couldn’t work up a game plan that served as anything that would be constituted as smart and it showed all game. The run, especially with Frank Gore, was working very well against the strong defensive front of Rex Ryan’s new team. Gore was only given 8 touches for 39 yards though (an amount that would’ve taken Trent Richardson 8 games to amass) and it felt like a waste of his signing. Constant blitzing was certainly an issue and Luck did appear to check out of runs when the box was overloaded, but there really needed to be a better balance in the play calling throughout and it could’ve created a more competitive game with an outside shot of the Colts winning. The only thing that passed more than the Colts on Sunday was the trees that threw apples at the Scarecrow and Dorothy.
Tin Man – An ax wielding man made of tin that just doesn’t have any heart. No one fits this better than newly acquired wide receiver Andre Johnson. He looked like he didn’t care out there. It was almost as if he thought, “I get to play with a great QB now so I literally have to do nothing and I’ll be the best in the league” like that jerk in your group for a school project that never read any of the material and didn’t contribute at all and still gets an” A+” because you worked double for them. Multiple drops, giving up on routes, and absolutely no downfield blocking showed that Johnson doesn’t quite have the heart at this stage in the road. Hopefully we find his oil can by Monday and get rid of some of that rust too.
The Cowardly Lion – Gee, I wonder what the cowardly lion was missing. A lack of courage is hard to say about anyone that puts on pads and gets hit by 300lb men, but Phillip Dorsett certainly looked like he had less than anyone else on the team. Maybe it was first game jitters that caused him to fumble twice. Maybe it is because he has paws and that makes it hard to catch a football. Maybe he better step it up if he wants to be king of the forest. If Dorsett had actually been the Cowardly Lion he probably would’ve tried to run through the pain of glass to get away from the Wizard of Oz and he would’ve bounced right off of it instead of crashing through it because he was manhandled by defenders all day. I doubt he is kept as the kick returner until he proves that he has found some of that courage he’s sorely missing.
The Wizard – General Manager Ryan Grigson is most fitting as the man that appears to be big, bad, and all powerful, but in fact is a tiny, scared man behind a curtain just randomly pulling levers hoping that whatever he is doing looks good to someone. He has the tools to get Dorothy home, the Scarecrow a brain, the Tin Man a heart, and the Cowardly Lion some courage. The question is whether or not he steps out from behind the curtain that conceals his true self and starts making good from that point or if he will keep tricking those before him with his massive green GM mask on.
Glenda the Good Witch – Pat McAfee. He can never do any wrong and is always looking good. Guide our Dorothy, Mr. Boomstick. Please?
It is a wonderful thing that no one on the roster melts like the Wicked Witch of the West when introduced with a bucket of water because Buffalo had more rain than a late 90’s boy band music video on Sunday. The weather is no excuse for the poor play, but it certainly contributed. Even if the Bills defense were like the flying monkey, coming at the Colts from every angle and ripping them apart, they were still less scary than the monkeys in the film were and I’m hoping Pagano clicks his shoes together and figures out a way to make this team a horse of a different color when they meet the New York Jets next week.
